Coming from Philly's boozy renaissance man -- who's behind everything from AITA's retro hooch to Sailor Jerry -- Spodee is a 36-proof resurrection of a backwoods concoction of country wine, moonshine, and garden herbs made popular enough during the Great Depression that Jerry Lee Lewis later wrote a song about it, then set his piano on fire. For the new version, which tastes like high-end Raisinets with notes of cocoa and grapes, he's mixing sweet vino from Brotherhood (America's oldest winery) with his own "legal" moonshine, and packaging the stuff in old school, cork-topped milk bottles… sans delivery via the dude who's probably your dad. Because you'll no doubt be all, "But bro, how in the world could this white whiskey wine benefit me more than normal wine?", here's a situational guide that highlights Spodee's superiority:
A Romantic Picnic
Outcome with wine: Enjoy an enchanting, ants-free outing.
Outcome with Spodee: Enjoy an enchanting, pants-free outing?
Outcome with wine: You're filled with the lord.
Outcome with Spodee: You're filled with the lord... and grain alcohol that tastes like the candy you were eating during Lords of Dogtown.
Informal Wine Tasting
Outcome with wine: Spent an evening with pretentious wine drinkers who're likely just making up what they taste anyway.
Outcome with Spodee: Spent an evening with edgy, tattooed hooch drinkers who are also really into history, and are also likely just making up what they taste anyway.
Outcome with wine: Your girlfriend enjoys a delicious coq au vin.
Outcome with Spodee: Your girlfriend enjoys a delicious coq au vin that evokes high-end Raisinets, with notes of cocoa and grape!
Meeting The Girlfriend's Parents
Outcome with wine: Dad gives you an aggressive handshake goodbye with extended eye contact.
Outcome with Spodee: Dad hugs it out, then gives you tacit permission to take his daughter on a romantic picnic.